Late last night I attended a soiree to which was designed for a coworkers friends to say goodbye before she left to see her father in Bolivia. One fact about my personality was cemented into my mind as it often is in these situations- I am no good in groups of people. There's a block somewhere in my head, preventing me from having any idea whatsoever on what to say. If I'm left in a room with one person, I can generally strike up conversation easily. But you put me in a situation with more than a couple people and I'm at a loss for words. This includes friends as well.
I knew this would happen, especially since I barely knew anyone there. But I couldn't not go because the hostess was gracious enough to invite me, when apparently it was an "exclusive" get together.
I feel compelled to make appearances at these sort of things regardless of scenario because I know that to grow as a human being I need to be comfortable around others of my species. But no matter how aware of this I may be, I can't seem to pull it together. People just bug me. Bug me to the bone. Or maybe I just bug myself.
So for the most part I just sat outside with whomever decided to wander out there, smoking and listening to conversation. I left shortly, after the sense of not fitting in became too much to bear. And I proceeded to rock the fuck out to "Are You A Hypnotist??" by the Flaming Lips while coughing my lungs out from smoking half a pack in the previous hour and a half.
The moral of the story? I have no idea. I wish I did.
Left to his own devices,
Mk
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