Some days when I'm being Super Waiter I notice a surprising amount of morons, assholes, and thugs dining at our restaurant. These days suck because one of my awesomest super powers is pretending I'm One Of Them, which by the end of the day has sucked me dry and made me question my optimistic view of the universe. I never suspected for a minute that humanity could be terrible in so many different ways. But naturally, one type of group makes me feel worse "connecting" with than any other.
Parents with insane children.
You'll find one of the scariest things in this world is a child that abides strictly by the destructive non-laws of chaos. The kid that won't do what his parents tell him, no matter how dire the situation. Screaming, crying, kicking, laughing maniaclly as his parents stop him from shoving a fork into his brother's eye. These kids exist, and they are humanity's greatest downfall.
I propose we offer a new waiter position in restaurants everwhere. If a waiter seems intelligent and of sound judgement, we put him through a special training course on how to eliminate these children when they are sat at their table. A few rotten waiters will get in and kill innocent people, but we can't let that deter us from our necessary goal: The Cleansing of Humanity.
First, all Elimi-waiters must carry on their persons a small club to deliver blunt trauma directly to the terror-childs skull. Go for the temples, guys! Watch their nasty little heads burst beneath your righteous anger.
Secondly, learn to spot a terror-child by his demonic behavior and the subjugated look on his parents' pathetic faces. If a child is shoving his mother out of her seat so he can crawl over her face to leave the booth, kill that slimy mother fucker with your whacker.
Thirdly, fuck more rules. Kill those evil mother fuckers before they ruin the lives of hundreds of people.
Do you ever wonder if someone you know used to be one of these creatures?
Humanity's best interests in mind,
no, really,
Mk
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3 comments:
Assholery disguised as constructive criticism has no place in my blog.
Unless its contained in the blogs themselves, at which point it not only has a place but is super sacred.
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